Luke Vogel and Robert Parritt
Coming to university can be a terrifying experience. New people, new surroundings, new smells… so to help you settle in and plan your time here, we’ve come up with our top 10 Do’s and Don’ts for Brunel Freshers, so listen up!
- Listen to Radio Brunel forever and ever and ever. Stick it on in your kitchen, listen to it on your way to lectures… and if you fancy it, you could even get involved next term and host your very own radio show.
- Eat sushi at the Load of Hay. It’s sushi in a pub. Do I need to say anymore? #ActuallyNotAnAlcoholic
- Join all of the societies, all of the time. They’re full of vaguely entertaining, like-minded people who will weasel their way into your lives and before you know it you’re an officer and having a whale of a time!
- Go to your 9am lecture with a stinking hangover (or, even better, still drunk). Trust me, I’m speaking from experience here. It’s the best thing ever, as long as you don’t need to run the length of the lecture centre halfway through your boring accounting lecture to find a toilet in which to take a tactical chunder.
- Take a picture with the Brunel Statue before you graduate. Just make sure you know that the statue is of Isambard Kingdom Brunel, and not Abraham Lincoln…
- Have that one-night stand. There’s absolutely no chance in the known universe that anything could possibly backfire…
- Make sure you have enough change to put in the washing machines. Now that Mum’s not doing your laundry for you, this is probably the single-most important bit of advice we ancient third years can give you. Just make sure you actually do your washing regularly!
- Expect to pull an all-nighter. You say to yourself now that you will do all of your coursework well before your deadlines and you won’t ever have to work tirelessly through the night before to get it in on time. That’s not gonna happen. Trust me, life gets in the way of this ambitious, unrealistic plan, and suddenly everything is due at once and you’ve done NOTHING. (Of course, some all-nighters may not necessarily be course-related, but this reporter can neither confirm nor deny these claims.)
- Make sure you budget. Don’t be the guy who blows his entire student loan during fresher’s week and then indefinitely borrows money. That guy’s a dick.
- Go to Subway at 2am after a 12-hour stint at the pub when you should have actually been working on that really important assignment. Because first year doesn’t actually count towards your degree… right? (And Subway is really tasty).
- get on the U2. Ever. It says it goes to Uxbridge, but it doesn’t tell you it’s going to take you via Timbuk-f*cking-tu to get you there. Take the U5, the U3 or the 222 instead!
- go in the pond. I am 1000000% convinced that not even fish can survive in there.
- travel on the Piccadilly line. Unless you live on the Piccadilly Line (you poor soul). It’s like the U2, but in train form – slow, smelly, goes the long way round – so just avoid it, even if you want to giggle like a little kid every time the smooth, disembodied voice of the robot woman says “Cockfosters”.
- expect to be able to hold a conversation in Locos. The music is so loud you’ll be deaf before you’ve actually ordered your drink. I recommend earplugs.
- mistake the Brunel Statue for Lincoln. Quick history lesson: one was a Victorian-age engineer responsible for putting strips of iron on the ground and running trains on them, and the other was Abraham Lincoln. They’re very different people. Don’t be the one who embarrasses themselves getting it wrong.
- get your weekly shopping from Costcutter. Because they don’t actually cut costs.
- put your food on your shelf in the fridge and expect it to still be there in a week’s time. Even though you’ll think your flatmates are cool, they’re also as poor as you, and will eat any food they see. I suggest you lace half of your food with laxatives as punishment for whoever attempts to steal your food. Just be prepared for all-out war if you do. expect a decent night’s sleep during fresher’s week. Or ever, come to think of it. Your fire alarm loves to sing you the song of its people, ALL OF THE TIME, especially if you’re unlucky enough to live in Mill Hall. Plus you’ll always get that one group who keep their Fresher’s Week antics going throughout the year. Earplugs will become your best friend.
- expect the library coffee machines to work when you need them to. To avoid disappointment, I suggest you simply take a camp bed, a kettle and enough instant coffee to supply a small army with you to your inevitable all-nighter and just set up camp on the second floor.
- Buy a new computer: You will waste your three years at Brunel building sims who do better at university than you.