After a few weeks on campus and enough great nights in Academy and Locos to fill an Instagram, overload a Facebook, and develop an intimate knowledge of the delights of the Student Union, you may want to venture further afoot. Here's us, exploring the exotic.
“Eddie and Ellis are doing a review of every pub in Uxbridge. Because they are plebs, they have left it all to the last day. A tonne of pubs, five hours, would you like to join us?” My Girlfriend’s phone call started like this, and very soon a group of dedicated journalists had formed, sacrificing their free time for the laborious task of pub evaluation. What follows is a true show of our journalistic integrity. Ahem. While not every pub is covered, we managed a fair whack. So, sit back and join us on a virtual tour of every den of iniquity, halfway-house and watering hole within staggering distance of your Uni halls. Welcome to Uxbridge.
Found on High street Cowley behind the Isambard complex, this bar is pretty standard. Sky sports and BT Vision offers all the coverage you’re ever going to need, but apart from that nothing excels. Good to know where it is, as maybe some house party will wind up there, but it’s not a place you’ll regularly find Brunel Students. If you do choose to have a drink here, you’ll lower the average age considerably. However, the drinks are reasonably priced, you’ll be surprised at how clean it is, and there’s never any trouble. Currently there’s no restaurant, but a dining/kitchen area attached to the pub often offers itself up as an Indian.
Stefan, rocking the cider: Unexciting.
Ellis on the beer: It’s f***ing fosters, what do you think? But they do have a selection of ales, and usually a few more lagers.
Eddie, on everything else: It’s £4.20 for a double mixer, that’ll do for me. Not cheap, but not too expensive.
The Fig Tree
An absolutely huge Greene King in Uxbridge central, you can also find it on St Margaret’s lane. Drinks prices are standard Greene king, with decent deals coming and going. You can get some quite nice lager on tap – San Miguel, Peroni – and the general feel for the place is one that’s clean, bright and airy. Again very sports centric, so best to avoid it Saturday afternoons if you don’t care about the Gunners hurting their Spurs while they Never Walk Alone. However on our visit – and this gave us ample time to reflect – the service was delayed at best. The floor was sticky, the staff immensely slow, and it feels like last call happens ten minutes after sundown (a very tame 11pm). The large square building is a place you could happily have a mid-afternoon pint and a burger, but the atmosphere as a whole isn’t one that would cap your night out.
Stefan, Cider-less and sad: I don’t know, I waited for ten minutes, the entire world was served ahead of me, so I gave up.
Ellis on the Beer: San Miguel, in a very nice glass, it’s a shame it’s such an underwhelming atmosphere.
Eddie, on everything else: Three drinks came to £11, which ain’t bad. Beyond that, I’m unenthused. And no Stefan, you can’t have my Hooch.
The Three Tuns
What was that? Six quid for a bottle of wine? Every weekday between five and eight? Wow. That’s a bit cheap.
Directly opposite Uxbridge station’s main entrance, The Three Tuns is an old looking stone floored pub which makes you feel a lot further underground than the two steps you went down. However this sensation is limited to the bar area, as there’s a conservatory and an outside heated smoking area. While the food is nothing amazing, and a tad pricey, their drink selection is solid and their happy hour prices, including half priced bottles of wine, is enough to make anybody smile. One thing worth noting is they are very strict on I.D., so be sure to remember it if you look anything younger than forty seven. Also, our advice is to definitely order that last bottle of wine at five to eight, and settle in for the night.
Stefan the Cider Guy: More to follow later.
Ellis on the beer: Good selection on tap, nice to have some kind of choice!
Eddie, on everything else: Bottle of white for £6? I’ll have three please! Someone order me a forklift.
The Good Yarn
A Weatherspoons which makes the perfect pitstop during those astonishingly arduous journeys into town, The Good Yarn is big, loud, cheap and well-staffed. It’s a ‘Spoons which makes the franchise, with a really pleasant mix of uni student, retiring couples, young suits and cheeky college. You’ll spend a night here with a smile on your face and you bank account intact. Food wise they have the standard Weatherspoons menu, which is absolutely huge and pretty customisable. It’s always decent, if not outstanding, and it’s pretty much the cheapest place to eat out in all of Uxbridge. In terms of drinks, they rip through different beverages, with taps changing halfway through shifts as new craft beers and ciders become available. Sometimes this is great – Yard Arm lime pale ale, for instance, made me very happy – and sometimes it’s atrocious, and you commit to drinking a pint of sour grapefruit hell disguised as a beer.
Stefan the Cider guy: There’s actual choice! Not being stuck to a Strongbow or Magners is refreshing… Thatchers Perry, Old Rosie and festival ciders? More variety than you can shake a stick at.
Ellis on the Beer: Ooh, Amstel. Beats Fosters!
Eddie, on everything else: Grapefruit Ale: I have made a terrible mistake
Erica: Seriously, you need to understand how good these waffles are!
The Queen’s Head
They serve Birra Moretti, which is simply the best beer in the world. You can find The Queen’s Head just down the road from St Margarets church in the middle of Uxbridge town. It’s tiny and not student central, but is welcoming, relaxed and very calm. Spirits are expensive – a whopping £4.85 for a single – and beer isn’t exactly cheap, with a pint of Moretti coming in at £3.95 a pop. While not cheap, the atmosphere is pleasant, the décor is chilled and all in all it’s not a bad place to spunk your student loan.
Stefan the Cider Guy: The selection is small but fairly cheery the bar maid.
Ellis on the Beer: Moretti and saved my life before, I vote yes.
Eddie, on everything else: There was Moretti, it is the hoppy liquid of the gods, and it wasn’t my round. I’m happy.
The Load of Hay
For the sake of journalistic clarity, we feel the need to point out that this pub is our local. We practically are the furniture, and this may bias our opinion slightly. A mere five minutes walk from campus, the Load is a father-son run independent pub with personality oozing out of it. Oozing can at times be the right word, as depending on who’s working service can go from smooth perfection to begrudging admittance. Despite its lack of thumping music or snakebite, the Load is one place where you will always find a Brunel student, or fifteen. And on a Wednesday evening you won’t be able to move for clubs & societies having unofficial nights out somewhere not sponsored by UBS. Or so the entirely unconfirmed rumours go. Give it a go, if it’s your kind of atmosphere you’ll find it hard to drink anywhere else. But be warned, the place is a black hole.
Stefan the Cider Guy: Strong, sweet and plentiful, all of the standards, two specials in a cask, 7% pear by the pint and a tap alternative to Strongbow that blows it out of the water.
Ellis on the Beer: It’s fosters. Or Carlsberg. Lager wise that’s it – there’s a decent choice of ales, and on a Wednesday it’s £2 a pint. Their lack of choice is a bit of a flaw.
Eddie, on everything else: The only bar on this research trip with nine different bottles of whiskey behind the bar, and two lovely blueberry home brews. Good way to end the night, or start the afternoon. Or survive the morning.
A canal side pub about a ten minute walk from campus, this is by far the most food-focused place on this list. It’s large, smart, clean and the perfect mix between modern and traditional. Their menu is superb, a mix of traditional English pub grub and yummy deserts. Of all the places we’ve mentioned, this is the one which we’d take our parents out to – or use as a palce for that vital third date.
Stefan the Cider Guy: Slightly more pricey, but well-rounded in the cider department – they have Aspalls on tap and Rekorderlig in the fridge, plus the standards.
Ellis on the Beer: Tad expensive, £4 for a pint of Peroni. There are more basic choices, with Carling at £3.05, but if you’re out for a meal go for the Peroni.
Eddie, on everything else: Just go and eat their beef and ale pie. Stand up right now, walk there, sit down, order it, and thank me after.